Another Grammy Awards, another wave of articles calling it out as racist, behind the times, etc. You know the deal. We’ve been here before. This time the main characters were Adele and Beyonce.

I’m gonna let you in on a little secret from the start. I didn’t fucking watch the Grammys. I don’t give a flying fuck about the Grammys. My girl and I were watching movies on Sunday and we kinda were like “what should we watch now?” and I was like “well the Grammys are on” and we were both like “nah” immediately and it there was this unspoken understanding that it was foolish of me to have even brought up the Grammys as an option. That’s how bad watching the Grammys is. So yeah, I’m writing this completely blind. But…

Here’s the thing. While in many cases, writing about something without having seen it would be a sign that I’m ignorant and you shouldn’t listen to my opinion, in this case, it’s not. You see the very fact that I didn’t watch or care about the Grammys, well that’s what makes me an authority on the subject. People who don’t know shit, that’s who watches the Grammys.

What do you expect from the Grammys when you watch them? Do you expect your tastes to be validated? They won’t be unless you’re like my mom’s age or you work in an office and love the music that plays on the commercial radio station they play there. If you have any taste that falls outside the demo of people who watch Dancing With the Stars or The Voice, then you’re not gonna be satisfied with the result.

This isn’t the awards for cool independent music or awards for most woke music. This is the awards for best music that appeal to the lowest common denominator. Beyonce took a risk with Lemonade. The fact that it won no Grammys should be seen as a validation of that risk. It being too much for the establishment is a good thing no? Why put out a very political and personal record with a big message if you were looking for a pat on the head from old white folks? Fuck that award.

Victory over the Grammys is not winning a Grammy, it’s giving so few fucks about the Grammys that they just evaporate into obsolescence. This award show by like some fucking execs at record companies who are pissed they can’t do as much cocaine as the 80’s and 90’s because of the Internet is not for us. It’s for people that tow the line, it’s for people that want the expected, it’s for people who are scared of the world changing. It’s the award show that somehow drew a line between David Bowie and The Chainsmokers and said “these are equivalent”. That’s who the fuck these guys are. The only thing they got right was giving Chance The Rapper some shine.

It’s like expecting the government to start the revolution. Just forget these guys. Do you care if your mom likes the music you like? That’s really what the fuck you’re saying if you give fucks about the Grammys.

It’s like getting over a bad ex. They only have power if you still care. If you don’t give s fuck anymore they can’t hurt you. That’s the Grammys.