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I DON’T REALLY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE GORILLAZ

Why do we need them back?

Most of the music sounds fucking dated as shit. It’s a poor hangover of the cool shit that was going on in the UK in the 1990s which was already on it’s fucking last legs by the early 2000s.

It’s the kind of shit that people in first year university would be totally into because it’s a milquetoast synthesis of the greater musics it borrows from. It’s music for people who have a fucking Fight Club poster in their dorm room or fucking have like the Best of Bob Marley and they say they’re into reggae. It’s the kind of shit that assholes who like to take over the music at house parties would play and they think they have fucking cool underground taste but it’s like the most unrisky major label version of underground.

This is music for people that are not intrinsically interesting. It is the music liked by those who desire to be interesting. It is the music of those for whom being interesting in a goal and is thus, unachievable. If you thing about what your tastes say about you then you probably like the Gorillaz. If you smoked weed in college and now you work for some fucking bank you probably like the Gorillaz.

This shit is a complete contradiction. So like the idea behind Gorillaz is that this is supposed to be some kind of ironic statement about the manufactured pop of the late 90’s early 2000’s (see how dated this concept is?). The fact that the band is a cartoon is supposed to say something about how the identities of pop stars are fiction or some other half baked intellectual idea you can afford to pursue without anyone stopping you because you’re rich.

I guess the irony is supposed to be that they are a cartoon but their music makes statements about consumerism and politics. They have substance! But do they? Do they really? Like on the same year they put out their “comeback” track “Hallelujah Money” talking about money and politics and Trump and what have you (it’s a boring ass fucking song I’m not listening to it again to dissect it, I’m a lousy journalist/writer) they also partnered with luxury car brand Jaguar, you know, of rich people fame.

This music is only subversive because it says “I’m subversive”. Beyond that statement it isn’t subversive at all.

It’s also, as I said above, not very impressive. Most of the music is a collection of cameos by cool (or uncool artists) offering a watered down version of what they do best. Like the first track they ever put out “Clint Eastwood” with Del The Funky Homosapien is like Damon Albarn had just listened to the Deltron 3030 album and was like “I need some of that magic” and boom, shitty trip-hop.

Anyway I don’t really care too much more about their music to deconstruct all their songs. Also I don’t have the time because I need to masturbate at some point today as I had written on my schedule. Sometimes I take my time and savour the experience. Like a nice meal.

I will leave you with this though: get over your fucking nostalgia and move on. Gorillaz are a worn down road you don’t need to go down any more. You can tell yourself that at this moment in time their “first year intro to arts and society” level fucking insight is more needed than ever but it’s not. No. They just need you and they need your money. There is nothing artistic here. This is about as deep and artistic as when you’re high and you talk about Simpsons or Seinfeld quotes.

How many of you wanna bet that for all the fucking star power on their new album Humans there will be zero memorable tracks? I’ll bet y’all. I ain’t scared. It will be less than the sum of it’s appropriation. It will take cool things and process them like the difference between cheese from a nice cheese store that is bold and isn’t looking to be liked versus cheese in a rubbery rectangular form.

Anyway have fun.

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