thong song

FUCK THIS SHITTY FUCKING REMAKE OF THE THONG SONG

Posted on Posted in News

The year is 1999. The track is “Thong Song” and the artist is Sisqo. Many toss around the title of “artist” too freely these days but back in 1999 being an artist meant something and Sisqo was an artist.

Let us take a moment and remove our hats. Let us contemplate a track that is very much a part of our heritage:

Did you feel touched by God listening to that ART? Did feel like your ears were hearing the songs of the angels? They don’t make tunes like that anymore. It’s just not possible during the Trump era and post 9-11. Everything is gritty and covered in shit.

Heroes who once glittered in gold have been humbled and brought down to the muddy earth. Alas Sisqo, he who once flew so high, has crashed like Icarus. With the “Thong Song” he flew too close to the sun and paid for it with his career.

Broke and desperate, Sisqo would do anything to get that FEELING again or even a fait taste of it.

Thus we have a remake of the “Thong Song” by some eurowhites called JCY (pronounced “garbage”) which features Sisqo back in a lamer and whiter version of his opus that features absolutely ZERO BIG BUTTS. I’m sorry you have to watch this:

It’s like whoever made this read my article hating on Future Bass and wanted to prove me correct on every count. Gone is any sexiness. Gone is any blackness. Gone are Sisqo’s amazing dance moves (I guess dude is getting old). Gone are the big butts. This is like the Abercrombie version of this track. This the white mom at the grocery store version of this song. Get the fuck outta here with this shit.

Let’s start a kickstarter for fucking Sisqo. Let’s give him a bunch of money so that he can somehow renounce this abomination and never be tempted to make a musical abortion like this again.

What pains me the most is that someone is throwing a lot of money around to convince people this is something good that the world needs. You have Rolling Stone, E!, Popcrush¬†and most ironically Huffington Post and Buzzfeed all calling this the new “song of the summer”. HuffPo and Buzzfeed, you know the two publications that would probably be the first to have an article criticizing the white washing of this track have no problem bigging it up if a few $$$$ are thrown their way (and they were). So much for #woke ass media. It’s a wokeness of convenience.

This version of the “Thong Song” is what every remake is to the original work: a shitty, nostalgia baiting, watered down mess that doesn’t understand the magic and greatness of the original work and assumes that we’d all still be bumping the original if it only sounded like a derivative contemporary piece of shit.

Fuck capitalism. It is empty of ideas.

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