Have you heard of the newest genre taking over EDM festivals across America? It’s called Riddim and if you care at all about dance music, you need to be familiar. Luckily, we’ve drawn up a handy guide to help you hit the ground running with EDM’s hottest new craze.

Got a pen an paper for notes? Great! Let’s dive in.

So basically the best way to understand what EDM people call “Riddim” is that it’s just basically garbage dubstep made by gross white people in middle America who want to still make dubstep but they are too scared that the word “dubstep” isn’t cool anymore. In a scramble for Soundcloud plays they’ve applied a new name.

The only problem is “riddim” is a word that has been used in Jamaican reggae and dancehall culture for decades. In fact the idiot who decided on the name “riddim” probably had heard it in the context of reggae and dancehall and it had just stayed in their mind and they forgot about it and they thought they were sooooooooo fucking original. Millions of ignorant American scum had no fucking clue that “riddim” already meant something meaningful in music and DJ culture so they started using it and the name was able to spread and reach critical mass before someone was like “this is the worst fucking name for this” and that someone might be me.

I love dancehall and now when I look for dancehall on the webs it’s gonna be ten times harder because all these fast food munching degenerates will be flooding search results with their terrible music that sounds like my stomach when it’s bloated and gassy and I need to fart but I’m holding it in because I’m with people and the situation lasts for hours.

“Riddim” is the McMansion¬†of music. It’s a cheap collection of arbitrarily employed aural signifiers¬†that represent “turn up” much in the same way a McMansion represents “wealth”.

It says so much about the state of creativity in mainstream EDM where “rebranding” takes the place of “innovation”. “Riddim” is not “dubstep” because it’s not called “dubstep”. That’s the only differentiation.

Have fun with that.