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WHY WOULD YOU MAKE MUSIC THAT SOUNDS LIKE 1995?

Posted on Posted in Features

Hey hey guys. Now that Vice has shuttered down Thump, I’m the only electronic music blog left. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You guys are fucked now. You gotta listen to all my terrible opinions. I’m the only friend you have left. Congrats loser.

As you all know, I’m a very cool guy in this music industry. Everybody loves me and wants to fuck me. It’s hard to stop people from touching my penis but I end up getting through the day.

One of the perks of being a super cool guy that is also a sex master is getting a ton of promos. I get so many promos I would have to work 12 hour days to listen to them all (this is not an exaggeration). I try my best to listen to as much as I can but at the end of the day it comes down to this: I listen the stuff from people I know make bangers, stuff that has a cool title and stuff that seems wacky. If I don’t know you and the marketing of your shit is generic then you are SOL. Sorry. That’s how life works. You might even be famous. I still don’t care. I delete promos from people you dream of getting promos from without even listening. Deal with it. ?

As a result of seeking out the wacky ass shit among the many promos I get, I tend to stumble across a ton of Ibiza house music stuff or techno made by some half Japanese, half German dude or, loads of drum & bass. I don’t know where all this drum & bass comes from but a ton of people are making it and I don’t think there is even remotely the demand for all this drum and bass. Keep doing you.

As with most experiences in life, most of what appears to be wacky is actually not very interesting. It ends up being very generic. Like I got this sampler today from a small French house music label and I was like “WTF this is so fucking uninteresting”. As soon as the first kick came in I was like “where have I heard this sound before? oh yeah, every fucking house music track since 1995”. Honestly the kick in these fucking tracks sounded like the first fucking house music I ever fucking heard from when I was a teen in the 1990s. Yeah. So like the person who made the music just chose not to innovate at all and felt like it was mission accomplished to just reproduce something from more than 20 years ago.

I don’t fucking get it. I don’t fucking get the instinct of so many techno and house producers who just fucking replicate the same shit over and over again decade after decade. Where is the interest? Why even make music? Like we have the stuff from 20 fucking years ago. We don’t need your brand new song that sounds like 20 fucking years ago.

You have no excuse either. The guys making the house and techno 20 years ago had no Ableton, shitty fucking Internet and all the equipment cost a lot relative to the time. Nowadays you can can get a cracked version of Ableton and Serum, listen to cool innovative music from around the world and go to town on some cool shit. But we have people, people that are young in 2017, who are making and sometimes getting acclaim for making shit that sounds like some shit from when people couldn’t do any better.

I mean, if that’s what you want to do, sure, go the fuck ahead, it’s a free country (maybe, I don’t know about your country but mine is ok), still, why though? You have infinite paths ahead of you and you choose the path already traveled? It just like a waste of time, a waste of possibility and a waste of life. The Earth is warming up. We don’t have that much time left.

PS Maybe this regressive attitude to music is why so many of these people have regressive attitudes to trans and femme musicians/performers.

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