the oa

WALMER REVIEWS “THE OA”: IT’S LIKE IF GWYNETH PALTROW WAS A TV SHOW

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The OA is a half baked show full of half baked ideas that ends with the plot equivalent of punching you in the fucking genitals while speaking about “mindfulness”. I’m gonna spoil the fuck out of this show.

So I heard people hyping this fucking show up and I started fucking watching it. For the first two or three episodes I was on board. Mainly because the show was world building and hadn’t really shown its hand.

It’s the story of a special blonde white lady. Her name is Prairie or rather her name is “The OA”. Prairie is the adopted daughter of people in Middle America. There is no magic in Middle America. There is only anomie (imma use fancy words in 2k17). Prairie is magic though. She is special. She was blind but now she can see. She disappeared for like 7 years or something and then came back.

Long story short, this is the plot. She was born in Russia to a rich dude and then her school bus falls in a river one day and she dies and comes back to life but now she’s fucking blind but she experienced a mystical world on the other side and then she gets put in a school in America and her dad dies after and then she get adopted by nice Americans and then she thinks her dad is still alive so at the age of like 20 or something she runs away from home to New York and then gets kidnapped by a mean man who does experiments on people who died and came back to life. The experiments to her and the other died and came back to life people reveal to them that they are special angels and that they can escape if they learn secret interpretive dance moves (this is fucking true). She falls in love with one of the come back back to life people and then the mean scientist man makes the dude she falls in love with fuck a Cuban chick and sends the audio feed into the jail where he keeps Prairie. Somehow she escapes (I fucking forget) and then back at home she collects a group of misfits and tells them her fucking story and they think she is so special and she is so fucking connected to the rhythm of the universe but then one of them discovers that maybe she is lying about her life and then at the end there is a school shooter and Prairie gets shot and the after that it’s A MYSTERY.

The OA is a super shitty show. Beyond the fact that one can unlock the secrets of the universe using interpretive dance there are so many other problems.

Major shit is never followed up on. Like at one point the mean scientist who kidnapped Prairie/The OA is like “the sounds of the place where you go to when you die and come back to life are the same as the rings of Saturn”. Never is this explored again. Or at one point one of the kids in her Middle America town is being taken to military boarding school but then the plucky group of misfits stop this and the next day the kid is still in regular school but like wouldn’t his parents that sent him to military boarding school be like “why the fuck are you still here?”.

Some shit just makes no fucking sense at all. Like in the last episode one kid of her plucky group of misfits doubts her story and goes to her house at night and then sees that she has been reading books that would give a clue that she was actually making everything up but then the FBI officer who has been counselling Prairie/The OA is in the house too but like why would that guy be in a house that is not his house late at night when the person he is counselling is not there? Right?

And the school shooting at the end literally just comes out of fucking nowhere. It’s like they didn’t fucking know how to finish the show and were like “fuck it, let’s just fucking do this”. Like it has nothing to do tonally with the half scifi/half magic/half garbage project they were working on. It’s just tacked on like googly eyes or macaroni.

This is the type of show for motherfuckers who do fucking cleanses. This is the type of show for people who read one article online on eastern mysticism and the next day the greet everyone with “Namaste”.

Like fucking interpretive dance can save the fucking world? Like fucking no. Interpretive dance is the worst. It’s just like made up shit. Sorry but it’s fucking true.

The OA is like a really sexy blonde woman you meet backpacking in Asia or like Spain and all the people wanna fuck her and you do too and you start talking to her and at first she is saying some bullshit but you’re like “I can still go with this, I’m not compromising myself too much” and then you continue talking and the fucking pseudo-intellectual garbage she is spouting is just so fucking stupid you can’t fucking deal with it anymore and you just fucking go away but you get why this chick fucking spouts this bullshit because there are tons of other people that just let her do because they think they will get to fuck.

That’s The OA.

 

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5 thoughts on “WALMER REVIEWS “THE OA”: IT’S LIKE IF GWYNETH PALTROW WAS A TV SHOW

  1. “Major shit is never followed up on.”

    I hate to state the obvious: Season Two? Like, literally my response to almost everything you said. CLEARLY they were setting this show up to be a multi-season story.

    And as far as the dance portions, I saw somewhere that it’s actually based on a real-world spiritual expression/ritual (just not any Christian ritual that most in the Western World would know anything about). I don’t have the source of that directly on-hand, but I’m sure it wouldn’t be too hard to find out.

    That said, who said you had to care? If the show isn’t your cup of tea (or whatever), then don’t watch it.

    1. actually they never conceived it as having a season two and also you misunderstand the concept of criticism. a critic writes about what they like and dislike. have fun reading only media the confirms your tastes

      1. Hahahaha. You don’t know me! How do you know I only consume media that confirms my tastes?? I read this, didn’t I?

        I was simply rebutting the “negatives” pointed out in this review. A critic shouldn’t be posting anything at all if they can’t handle counterpoints.

        Was I being a little dismissive? Sure. But have you read this article? It’s much higher on the dismissive scale than I was. I didn’t think it was inappropriate to match tone a bit.

        Also, I’m curious to know your source for “they never conceived it as having a season two”. I don’t necessarily disbelieve you, but I have seen nothing of the sort in my modest research of the show. I have a hard time believe that, based on everything they set up throughout the season (ie all the “major shit [that] is never followed up on”), they had no intentions of continuing the story beyond the season 1 finale.

        1. i was answering your last point of “That said, who said you had to care? If the show isn’t your cup of tea (or whatever), then don’t watch it.” you obvs seemed to imply that i shouldn’t be writing about something if I don’t like it. but if you don’t feel that way, great. it’s bad to read only agreeable opinions. never said your tone was inappropriate, never said you were being dismissive. you are attributing things to me that i never wrote. if i couldn’t handle counterpoints i wouldn’t have replied.

          1. That’s the dismissive part of what I said. I didn’t mean to imply that you thought I was being dismissive. I was admitting that I was being dismissive. But again, it just felt in line with the tone of article.

            I definitely didn’t mean to imply that you (or anyone) should not write about things they don’t like. In fact, I would certainly encourage that! Most of the material I write, myself, is about things I don’t like… So apologies if that is the message I delivered.

            My poorly-communicated point was that you appear to be so emotionally offended by this show for reasons that actually seem to be based on misunderstandings/misinterpretations of the show.

            In the link I provided, the creators admitted to a larger, multi-season story line, so that kinda takes care of the majority of the issues you had with the show. (The “dancing” being the outstanding piece — and you’re certainly not alone with that viewpoint).

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