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THE WALMER CONVENIENCE GUIDE TO BITCOIN

bitcoin

At Walmer Convenience we’re not just about giving you music advice. We want to give you life advice. We want to give you investment advice. Let’s talk about Bitcoin.

If you don’t know fundamentally what Bitcoin is I don’t know what to fucking say to you. How are you even on this site on the Internet and you haven’t somehow stumbled onto information that explains Bitcoin or discusses it? I’m not gonna be like most publications and baby you. Look it the fuck up. Here’s the wikipedia link for fuck’s sake.

Ok are we ready? Let’s get to the fun shit!

Nerds talk about Bitcoin like it’s some kind of new money that can take control of the financial system out of the governments hands and zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Sorry I fell asleep. No one gives a fuck about that shit.

Cool jocks like us don’t give a fuck about math and science and beta shit like that . We just wanna get that Bitcoin so we can cop some killer coke, do a few monster rails and buy shit like this:

and this:

And feel like this:

Bitcoin is not about starting a new currency like a scientist, it’s about making mad fucking money like a cool guy who wears a leather jacket and totally fucks.

Bitcoin is the best because you can talk like you’re a hot shot even if you don’t know shit all about how the financial system works. Like you can say shit like “buy in the dip” like it’s not just a variation of “buy low, sell high” that you could have heard in a Hollywood movie about business.

You can feel like you fucking solved economics and that this time, the speculative bubble you and your friends in /r/bitcoin have created is not going to burst. You can believe this like a real cool guy who gets mad pussy, even though there is no actual value for Bitcoins outside of being an investment vehicle. You can act like all your friends are fucking luddites while you preach that this “money” that can fluctuate 20% in 24 hours┬áis somehow a stable rock upon which we shall build the new financial order.

The best part of Bitcoin is pretending you’re not being fooled by those with real power and real money. It’s pretending that you’re not putting all your money into an empty thing that will eventually be shorted by the same people inflating the price and all you money will disappear. Pretending that you’re not making it even easier for capital to get sucked up by the wealthy 1%.

Bitcoin is about faith in the fact that you and millions of others can somehow make a shitload of cash by doing absolutely nothing like that’s ever worked out in human history.

Bitcoin is for the dreamers really.

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